Sabrina Jeffries: Never Seduce a Scoundrel

Never Seduce a Scoundrel: D-
Lady Amelia Plume & Major Lucas Winter
Historical - British Regency
The School for Ladies series

Sometimes when books are bad, I finish reading it... just to see how the ends turns out. Usually, the end isn't enough for what I consider to "redeem" the book. As in, the end might be all right, but I still close the book thinking, whaaa?

I think this book failed me on two different levels: the love scenes were pretty laughable and the plot was lame.

Amelia Plume is a decently wealthy young lady looking to get married. She dreams of adventures and passion: she spends her time reading raunchy romance novels (insert laugh here, LOL) and wants to get awaaaaay from England.

Major Lucas Winter comes to her in his completely tall, dark, and handsome form, but Amelia suspects Lucas to be up to something so she plays the part of a henwit (read: ditz). He is, in fact, looking to solve a mystery and to clear his name while at that. Some person has stolen all of his family fortunes, ruined his good family name, and Lucas wants to come down to the mystery for the sake of his family honor and for closure.

Bad news: Lucas suspects Amelia's step-mother is the bad person.

And then they go about trying to solve the mystery and then fall in love.

So, here enters the bad love scenes. Not that I'm looking for anything grand or special, but gads, the things they say to each other as they... uh... "pleasure" each other... just.. is really laughable. It's silly enough for me to be thrown out of the nice, romance-y feeling and into a what just happened here? mood.

And also enters the overly long solving the mystery plot. I lost track of what was happening and then just read it, hoping that something magnificent would happen so that I would be... oh, I don't know... romanced? But that didn't happen.

Bottom line: don't read.

Susan Mallery: Sweet Trouble

Sweet Trouble: D-
contemp
Jesse Keyes & Matthew Fenner

Jesse Keyes has done some serious growing up. With a steady job and a vibrant four-year-old son, Gabe, she's in a far better place than when she left Seattle five years ago…pregnant and misunderstood by almost everyone in her life.

Now it's time to go home and face her demons. But her sisters, Claire and Nicole, aren't exactly impressed with the new and improved Jesse. And then there's Matt, Gabe's father, who makes it clear that he never wants to see her again despite the lust that still smolders between them.

Jesse doesn't know if she can make up for all the mistakes of her past. But the promise of sweet nights with Matt might just give her the extra incentive she needs to make it worth the trouble.… (amazon)

I shall try to make this review sweet and simple. It's not so much a consideration for you, bloggers, but because of my own shortcomings: I read this book a couple weeks ago and I cannot really... recall... what happened. Why I'm writing a review in this state, I'm not so sure myself. But I cannot blame myself entirely for neither remembering the characters nor the plot.

This book was insignificant.

It is like my favorite romance, Paradise, but, like, fifty times worse.

There are some similarities between Paradise and Sweet Trouble:

1. Both books have heroes whose name is "Matthew."
2. Both books are about lovers who reunite after years of separation.

And that is where the similarities end.

Unlike Paradise, Sweet Trouble has a lackluster and unexciting plot(s). Not only is our heroine, Jesse, trying to win back the favors of her older sisters, she is also trying to win back the love of her life.

Matt has come a far way from being the geek he was when he first met and fell in love with Jesse. Then something about a (really dumb and lame) misunderstanding that tore them apart which caused Jesse to run away and give birth to her son in secret.

And then she comes back in town after having matured.
And then copious amounts of drama ensues because her sisters are dumb and Matt is even dumber: he loves her but cannot get over the past because... of his fear, I think. Though this sort of fear is not the sort to be laughed at, Ms. Mallery does not do her characters justice by writing about him/ them in a way that makes me... care.

Oh, wait. I do believe Matt's anger stems from the fact that Jesse kept from him the fact that he fathered a son. His anger is hard to sympathize with, as I felt she had valid reason to genuinely believe that Matt would have no interest in his son. Since I couldn't sympathize with Matt and the foundation of the central conflict, I just wanted to tell Matt to "get over it and move on."

Bottom line: reading about Jesse's secret brownie recipe made me want to have a brownie by the end of the book. Mmm... brownies.....

Sasha Lord: In My Wild Dream

In My Wild Dream: D-

Kassandra & Cadedryn Caenmore

Wild series #5

For years, Kassandra has dreamed of a strong Scottish laird, surrounded by a cloak of evil, whom she's destined to marry. When the dreams begin to change, and a dream-world knife follows her into the waking world, she fears for the man in her dreams and persuades her half-sister, Princess Kalial, to take her to court where she may find and help him. Kassandra's intended turns out to be Cadedryn, a powerful warrior dedicated to regaining the land and title his murdered father lost when he married for love rather than politics. Determined not to repeat his father's mistake, Cadedryn rejects Kassandra, pronouncing his intention to marry the landed Lady Corine. Abandoning her courtly accoutrements, Kassandra pursues Cadedryn by posing as peasant. Soon, Caderyn falls for the fiery, flame-haired commoner he knows as Kaitlynn, threatening the plans of Lady Corine-as well as other, more sinister forces.

The fifth of Ms. Lord’s Wild series is of Kassandra, “wild child” and of Cadedryn. They are…interesting.

Let me give a prologue-y sidenote before I begin:

I understand that in the medieval times, girls married in their early to mid-teens, from fourteen to seventeen. Anything older = spinster!! This age gets progressively later as time passes. So when a girl is sixteen in medieval time, I immediately equate it to modern day of maybe twenty six, twenty seven. Therefore, a girl of marriageable age ought to be …not quite so childish and at least, be somewhat mature.

Perhaps this is my mistake: maybe girls in the medieval times at age sixteen were still… girls, not quite women. Weird. (But didn’t everyone die a lot younger back then? So their sixteen is like today’s thirty five… no? Oy…!)

Okay, back to the review.

Kassandra is a “wild child,” raised in the woods, running about the woods with her wild animal pet, weasel Triu-cair. She is also the half-sister of Kalial (now Kalial McTaver from book one). With her strange prophetic powers, she sees her beloved soulmate in her dreams. It gives her a precious sword and asks her to look for him.

Being a romantic, she is determined to search for this mystery man. She convinces Kalial to take her to the city (I forget which but the King is there) and on her trips, she meets an infuriatingly annoying man by the name of Cadedryn. He, of course, is her hero, something she doesn’t realize.

Cadedryn is in the city to regain his family’s name, something that was lost when his father disobeyed the King’s orders to marry a woman – he, instead, chose to marry the woman he loved and in turn, the King stripped the Caenmores of their wealth. To Cadedryn’s horror, his father was murdered when he was a young boy, and Cadedryn went to live with Laird McCafferty and his son, Curtis. It’s been Cadedryn’s desire to regain his family’s honor by proving himself as a worthy warrior and by marrying advantageously. By meeting the king and agreeing to an arranged marriage, he feels he will right the wrongs of his father.

When Cadedryn falls for the wild Kassandra – surprise!

Things get a little twisted when Cadedryn mistakenly believes Kassandra has a twin sister, and he falls for both… and someone is trying to kill both of them…

Kassandra acts like a sixteen year old – foolishly in love with her romantic notions and heady with the desire for love, yet it is clear that she is not a strong enough heroine. I just can’t picture her to soothe Cadedryn when he is in need of her arms and yadda yadda yadda. She is fickle. Young. And holy cow, she really does sound like a modern teenager going through growing pains.

Skip this melodramatic bore.

Julie Garwood: Shadow Dance

Shadow Dance: D-
Jordan Buchanan & Noah Clayborne


Jordan Buchanan is thrilled that her brother and best friend are tying the knot. The wedding is a lavish affair–for the marriage of Dylan Buchanan and Kate MacKenna is no ordinary occasion. It represents the joining of two family dynasties. The ceremony and reception proceed without a hitch–until a crasher appears claiming to be a MacKenna guest. The disheveled and eccentric professor of medieval history warns that there’s “bad blood” between the couple’s clans, stemming from an ancient feud that originated in Scotland, and involving the Buchanan theft of a coveted MacKenna treasure.

Jordan has always led a cautious life and has used her intelligence and reason to become a successful businesswoman. So she is intrigued but skeptical of the professor’s claims that the feud has been kept alive by the grave injustices the Buchanans have perpetrated over the centuries. But when Noah Clayborne, a close family friend and a man who has never let a good time or a pretty girl pass him by, accuses Jordan of being trapped in her comfort zone, she determines to prove him wrong and sets out on a spontaneous adventure to the small, dusty town of Serenity, Texas, to judge the professor’s research for herself.

Maneuvering through a close-knit community in which everyone knows everyone else’s business, Jordan never anticipates the danger and intrigue that lie in her path, nor the threat that will shadow her back to Boston, where even in familiar surroundings, her life is at risk... (amazon)


Huge Noah Clayborne fans will find this to be a very, very disappointing read.
I am not a big Noah Clayborne fan (since I can't really remember the books prior to this one), and I still found this to be a HUGE sub-par read.


First off, why is this book called Shadow "Dance" ?
I'm feelin' really dumb, but I don't get it. The book isn't about dancing, neither of the characters dance... nor does the villain. In fact, I don't think music and dancing is even mentioned. Oh wait, it was kind-of mentioned in Dylan and Kate's wedding. Something about it playing and people dancing.
...wait a minute. Was that why Shadow Dance was named Shadow Dance? (confusion)

.....
.............lame!!


Second, where is the romance?
Something like this happened:

Jordan: Ooh, I don't Noah. He's handsome and charming. I don't want to fall for him!
Noah: Oh, kid sister of my best friend. No lookey no touchy.
Jordan: Ooh, I think I'm starting to like Noah. But I must resist! Resist!
Noah: Hey, she's pretty hot. And why are the other guys staring at her?
Jordan: Uh-oh, bad things are happening to me.
Noah: Uh-oh, bad things are happening to her.
Jordan: Noah will protect me! (But I won't like him!)
Noah: But I will protect her!
(gap)
Jordan: I love him.
Noah: ...I love her...???!
(he's surprised, like the rest of us)

See that gap?
That's where the love happens.
Sadly, it never did.

It was one of those 'blindsided by love' romances, but it was lame. I honestly don't see how they could have had more than a fondness for each other (minus the lust and physical attraction that is always so rampant in these novels).

Lame!

Third, what is going on with Ms. Garwood's writing style?
It was as if she was narrating the entire story. I wasn't there IN the action with the hero and heroine, I was looking from afar - with the story being told to me. It attempted to be witty, but fell flat.

One hundred and twenty pages in, I was still thinking, 'Okay okay, when's everything gonna start?'
Then: 'Oh. Wait. It started a hundred pages ago.'
Then: 'What the heck have I been reading?!'


Fourth, another dreadful romantic suspense!
NOT SUSPENSEFUL!


Fifth, sucky characterization.
Garwood tried to make Jordan a "smart ditz." You know, the very smart computer nerd who is "adorably ditzy" and cute. It didn't work so well; Jordan seems to have a schizophrenic nature.

Noah?
He's......

I actually don't know that much about him. I'm guessing a lot of his character was revealed in the previous books, but since I can't remember the books, I can't remember what he's like. And since the book didn't do much in describing him, minus the overall "charming handsome player" feel, I don't know why he's so damn hot.

Why?! Is it because he's an FBI agent who arrests people?
Why?! I want to know!


In short: Do not read.
It sucked.

(someone tell me why I'm reading Shadow Music?
...so far, it has not mentioned music. I'm 30 pages in.)